Modern Chimera

 I feel compelled to speak out.

I believe I'm best represented by a chimera. A chimera is a mythical creature: a violent fusion of lion, serpent, and goat. Sometimes it has wings.

I have bipolar disorder I, yet I was also on the small team that helped bring online advertising into the world back in the early naughts. (You're welcome.) I am politically alert, and I consume vast quantities of national and international news. 

As I struggle to cope with a mental illness I can not personally control, I try to remember I have Master's Degree. I got halfway through a second before relocating for work and a high level position.  this chimera who has also faced a lot of trauma in her life is caring, sweet. She would save your life. Perhaps she already has...

Twelve different drugs don't manage my illness. Yes, I take twelve psychotropic medications every day, which help keep me in check, but don't give me that lovely "remission status" like those who find lithium a savior. And I've tried everything. 

Overriding all right now is a burning rage over what has happened in this country. I immigrated to this country in 1987, and racism was prevalent and open then. My family crossed the country from California to Maine, and at a rest stop along the way some white woman advised me to stay away from one area "because there are niggers there". I had never before heard this word said out loud. I blanched. And ducked into a stall without a word. And although I was only a young teenager, I knew we had crossed the ocean because of our political beliefs against Thatcherism. I was always going to be someone who would be aware.

But then I spent a few years being a bipolar teenager. I didn't follow anything during that time. Instead the stage was set for the monster I would feel I'd turn into. In college I found liberation, however, as I could channel my energy into studying. (Yes, I enjoyed studying. I still do.)

I'm a modern chimera: I believe in science and experts and current medicine. I do not subscribe to racism, white supremacy, bigotry, sexism, colorism, capitalism, or any kind of oppression mo matter the status of the individual in this country. Why am I against capitalism? Because at it's core it is the notion that the richer you are, the more of the Earth's resources you can own. And 2 million people in the US lack running water and basic indoor plumbing. I believe the richest 10% should pay a lot more money than they currently are. I believe big businesses should be forced to pour money into the communities they are located in. I believe that systemic police brutality is real, particularly against People of Color. And I personally am terrified by cops. Even their sirens make me shake with anxiety. As someone with a mental illness who has encountered cops in her home before, I know the anxiety they cause just by sight. What if I had a psychotic break and they treated me like a criminal? Arrested me? Put me in a cell? Give me a record.

Now, I do have a blond, blue-eyed. and utterly adorable husband who can advocate for me. But that doesn't mitigate the fear very much.

So here's the blog. And away we go. Current affairs. Foreign events. Topics of interest. And always my own opinions and anecdotes.